bringing back joy

I’m sure many of you have heard of the New Age-y concept of the law of attraction. Maybe you watched “The Secret” documentary on Netflix or read the book, got inspired, but then dismissed the idea altogether when you didn’t immediately manifest a wedding ring or a new sports car just by thinking about it. I’ve even had my fair share of doubts, but maybe that’s exactly why I didn’t see the results that I imagined. How are we supposed to manifest something if we only half-believe it will show up and only half-ass the process of raising our vibrational frequency?

But do you want to know what the root of “The Secret” is? It’s not just blind faith, it’s not witchcraft, it’s quantum physics (for all of you “science over faith” people). It’s kind of hard to summarize something so complex, but I found this quote that sums it up pretty nicely:

“Think of a quantum wave function as an e-mail you transmit out into the universe, containing the details of what you want to have, do and be in your life, containing data of what you want to cohere, or manifest, in your reality.”

Your thoughts are e-mails that you send out to the universe and the response that you get is based on what you send out. Are your thoughts filled with negativity, fear, and self-doubt or are they filled with positivity, gratitude, and faith? If you sent somebody a negative e-mail, chances are you would get a negative response. The universe is responding to you. It’s science.

One of my go-to coping mechanisms for feeling depressed has been laying in bed all day, skipping class, going in and out of sleep as much as possible while a Netflix show drones on in the background, and just hoping that something good might happen eventually if I mope around long enough. Sounds pretty stupid, right? Guess when I actually do start feeling better? When I realize that nothing good magically pops up out of nowhere when I’m feeling sorry for myself and wasting my days away. It’s when I decide to make a cup of tea, meditate, go to yoga, pray, actually go to class and get some homework done, hang out with good friends, paint something (even if it sucks), write, go outside, etc. Then I start having more positive thoughts, I start feeling more energized, and then maybe I get a few strokes of “good luck” here and there. When I start doing things that make me happy and start loving life, life starts to love me back.

Today, I came across a podcast series called “High Vibration Life” by Robyn Openshaw. After feeling rather down in the dumps for the last couple days, it was really nice to get a reminder of the law of attraction and how it works. It begins at the cellular level. The world rearranges to mirror the energy that you’re giving off. This is why people who always complain find themselves in even more negative situations, or why people who always whine about being single never find the right person, or why people who fight every single moment of their lives to be positive, gracious, and faithful despite what circumstances are in front of them usually end up with serendipitous blessings and good outcomes. Gratitude attracts more things to be grateful for, negativity attracts more things to feel negative about. If you don’t believe it, then sit back and think about some of the best and worst times in your life…what kind of mindset did you have? What kind of activities did you engage in? How were you taking care of your body?

After listening to Robyn’s podcast, I decided to do her little challenge of writing about what my “high frequency life” looks like. Basically, she asked what your life would look like at your healthiest, happiest, and most spiritually connected. This is what mine said:

• I don’t crave alcohol or unhealthy food. I only crave to put things in my body that make me feel good.
• The only relationships I engage in lift my spirit and make me feel good about myself.
• I have the strength and self-respect to turn away from people who don’t act like they value me or see my worth.
• I am strong and fulfilled on my own; I don’t need anyone’s validation or attention to feel happy and complete.
• I wake up early in the morning, ready to take on the day. I view my responsibilities and priorities as blessings of opportunity.
• I am careful about the energy that I bring to any situation. I lift up the people around me and think more about how I can positively affect others.
• I spend less time beating myself up about the past and spend more time creating a better future.
• I exercise, do yoga, and meditate as often as I can.

Once you put it all out there in tangible form, you realize that living your best life isn’t a pipe dream…it’s completely doable and realistic if you put your mind to it. So, I challenge you to think about your “high vibration life” and write down some of your goals. Look at them everyday and really feel what its like to achieve them.

I highly recommend listening to the episode that I listened today, here is the link. I also recommend watching this video of Jim Carrey and Oprah, two of the most well-known celebrities today that both came from difficult backgrounds and claim that visualization and hard work helped them achieve success. They are living, breathing examples of people who created amazing futures through positive intention. It’s not just hippie-dippie bullshit…it’s how you can genuinely change your life for the better.

I’m hoping that one day, I can give utilizing the law of attraction complete credit for my bountiful and fortunate life. But if I’m doing it right…I’m going to say that I already have it.

Whether or not you consider yourself a spiritual person, the autumn equinox is said to be a symbol of harvesting and gratitude.

According to this website, “Indigenous cultures recognized earth-based wisdom and understood that the four focal points of the year: the Winter Solstice, Spring Equinox, Summer Solstice, and Autumn Equinox; illuminated stages of an inner spiritual journey – a spiritual cycle that the individual takes within themselves.”

The seasons and cycles that go on in nature are also present in our every day lives. I find myself in very similar positions and emotional states depending on the time of the year, and Fall has always been my favorite season. Whereas most people’s favorite holiday is Christmas so they can wake up in the morning to see bundle of presents under the tree, my favorite holiday has always been Thanksgiving. No giving, no taking, just expressing thankfulness for everything that is currently present in your life.

It is said that the autumn equinox is also a good time to think about your past as well as the journey you’re currently on, and to set positive intentions that will manifest in the winter. Personally, I think everyone needs a good excuse to take a step back and reflect on where they’ve been and where they’re going. After all, it was the Ancient Greeks that wrote frequently about the importance of “knowing thyself” in their literature.

If you want to get really “hippie-dippie”, intuitive astrologists declare this as a time where we are going to be wrapping up whatever lessons we have needed to deal with in 2017 and to face up to any truths that have now become a reality. Facing the truth is sometimes hard…maybe you need to outgrow a certain habit, person, lifestyle, or mindset that you haven’t been fully ready to confront. After all, it is the season when trees shed their dead leaves and make room for regrowth.

Here are some positive intentions about releasing negativity that you can write about and/or speak into the Universe. You’d be surprised how much better you’ll feel when you clearly set your mind on want you want.

• “Even though I love (blank), I am ready to release them/it and welcome peace into my life.”
• “I am no longer going to hold onto (blank), I am ready to let go and experience joy.”
• “I release all that no longer serves me and welcome in energy that is only for my highest good.”
• “It is no longer my responsibility to carry (blank), I now release this weight to the heavens.”
• “I clear myself and release myself from (blank), I am now free to be at peace.”

If you’re trying to get to a certain destination in your car and you’re not paying attention, have no sense of direction, or you’re listening to the person in the passenger seat tell you where to go even though they have no idea what they’re talking about, you’re inevitably going to get lost. You’re going to end up taking wrong turns, finding dead ends, and you might get really frustrated and give up altogether.

If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t feel like I’ve followed my own path for the majority of my life. I’ve usually found myself being attracted to all the wrong people, seeking for answers and validation outside myself, and having no solid plan and wondering why I feel so lost, empty, and confused. I’ve sought out comfort and acceptance in negative places even though I knew deep down that I didn’t belong there. I tried and tried again to fit into this box of “normality”, whatever that may be. I kept finding myself in these situations where I felt defeated and I wondered why I just couldn’t attract the right people or feel truly happy for once. I realize now that it’s because I wasn’t even being true to myself.

Even though the Universe has showed me time and time again that alcohol just isn’t meant for me, God forbid I gave up something that was deemed so “normal” in society. Even though I know that I’m an emotional, sensitive, and caring person, I’ve tried hiding it and putting up a front since it’s not “cool” to have feelings and be transparent about how you feel anymore. I’ve ignored a lot of my real interests and hobbies because I was too worried about doing what everybody else was doing. It all sounds so silly to me now but it’s been my reality, and I know I’m not alone. A lot of people just don’t take the time to look in the mirror and check themselves to acknowledge what they’re going through. I often recognize similar qualities in other people even though they don’t recognize it in themselves.

It’s never been so evident to me how important it is to follow your own path and ignore everybody else’s. It sounds cliché and obvious but it’s one thing for someone to tell you something and one thing for you to come to terms with it on your own. Once you start going down your own true path, you find those who have paths that intertwine, and it’s natural and easy…you meet the people who are meant for you, and everything falls into place.

It’s been almost a year since I started this blog. One day, I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I didn’t know what else to do other than pray and ask for guidance on what to do next. I listened to a little voice who told me to just stop, surrender, and do what was right for me despite what anyone else thought or said. I knew that I’ve loved to write for as long as I can remember. I knew that I had a lot to say and regardless whether people liked what I had to say or not, maybe I could help or inspire someone else who knows what it’s like to feel lost and alone. I thought maybe if I could just help one other person, it would be worthwhile. And even if I couldn’t, at least I would be spending more time doing what I love to do.

I feel like everybody knows the right answer at the end of the day. We’re just stubborn creatures who don’t even want to listen to our own inner voice and we go about our daily lives instead, listening to what our ego says rather than what our soul wants for us.

 

When I read some of my old posts that I wrote when I first started this blog, all I could think was, “Wow…this girl that I’m talking about sounds like she pounds tequila bottles by herself every time she’s sad and wakes up in the morning with the shakes until she chugs a bottle of wine.” When in reality, I just used to go out frequently and do dumb things when I was drunk just like the next college idiot. I made mistakes and acted like a fool but jeez, I was a little tough on myself. I made myself sound so much worse than I really was just because I hold myself to this really high standard and want to achieve more and be better than the person next to me. I don’t do anything worse than the people I’ve been associated with for the past year. The only difference is that I acknowledge it, express it, and want to live up to my potential instead of living in a daze and repeating negative cycles.

Even my boss had to tell me the other day that I need to stop stressing so much. He told me that I’m doing better than most of the people he knows even though I’m always pushing myself thinking that I’m never doing enough. I’ve always been a perfectionist, yet that stems from the fact that I’m determined to achieve greatness. I never want to look back and think that there was something more I could’ve done. You might have no problem going out every night, blacking out all the time, hooking up with randoms left and right, spending your last dollar on a well Rum and Coke, and doing it all over again even though your life is essentially in shambles. I’ve decided that I’m not going to be that person. That’s my preference. I recognize my flaws and the areas of my life that I want to improve. Just because I talk about it, doesn’t mean that I have a problem and that the people who choose to live in ignorance and denial don’t.

But this time around, I’m going to give myself a little credit. Instead of focusing on my flaws, I’m going to focus on my accomplishments, my joys, my skills, my talents, my knowledge, and my ambition. I’m not going to mope around acting like I’m some helpless alcoholic when I’m just a girl who actually sees her potential and wants to live up to it instead of being like everybody else. I used to legitimately FEAR admitting to myself and others not that I’m not like everybody else. Now, I want to rejoice in it.

If you want to see where you’re going in life, most likely you’re heading the same places that your friends are. So if you want to go in a different direction, sadly that means cutting off the people that aren’t doing anything to help you achieve your goals. Sometimes those people are actually the ones who are actively holding you back whether they realize it or not.

I hold on to the people I love with dear life. Some could say I cling too hard for all the wrong reasons. If I ever loved you or cared about you, I will fight to keep you in my life even if I’ve gotten every sign to let go. With that being said, there have been times where it’s gotten to the last straw and I’ve felt like I had no other choice. It’s like shedding dead layers of skin to become a brand new you.

So, how do you “break up” with a toxic friend? I wish I could offer the perfect right answer. All I can say is to not be afraid to do it. Don’t be afraid to end a relationship, romantic or not, that is keeping you from living up to your potential. I remember very specifically how different I felt when I stopped talking to a toxic significant other for a while. I felt like suddenly a whole space in my brain was freed up to occupy something new. I started spending my time more wisely doing the things I cared about and focusing on myself rather than focusing on pleasing somebody else or worrying about them, etc.

If anyone knows about being too afraid to leave your comfort zone, it’s me. My comfort zone is like my protective shell where I feel safe and content. It’s predictable and easy to live there. But you’re not growing if you’re not uncomfortable. Two years ago, I had to break up with my boyfriend who I was extremely comfortable with but that was about the only reason we were together. Just imagining us breaking up scared me to death because I revolved my whole world around that person so I knew my whole world would change. Once it finally did happen, my whole world undoubtedly did change but the outcome was amazing. Now, dropping people who have served their time in my life isn’t scary or daunting. I find it exciting. God doesn’t replace anything unless he’s going to replace it with something better. That’s a fact.

Hold your dear friends as close as you possibly can. Cherish them and realize good friends that motivate you and are there for you no matter what are a dime in a dozen. But those not good friends…don’t let them waste a second of your time any longer. There’s no need to have a huge fall-out filled with drama and tears. Simply start distancing yourself from people who hinder your growth and watch your life blossom.

Thank you Judy Clement Hall for this infographic. She is an amazing artist and writer who inspires me to put the good word out there and be a “love warrior”. Check her out!

There comes a time in every young adult’s life when they have to transition from a helpless, naive, carefree child to a responsible, conscious, and decisive adult. I used to (and for the record, this was not very long ago) DREAD the time when I actually had to use my noggin and not do all the things I want to do until I take care of all the things that I need to do. Paying bills, saying “no” to a good time, and thinking about the long-term results of your in-the-moment decisions. Sounds pretty boring, right? Truthfully, it’s the best transition you’ll ever make in your life. I used to think drama, problems, and chaos were going to follow me wherever I went. I was that whiny little girl saying, “But why meee?” when things were spiraling downward in my life. Then a lightbulb popped up above my head. There’s one person who is in control of my life and what happens to me…it’s not my friends, it’s not my parents, it’s not my significant other, it’s not my “bad luck”. It’s me.

The point that I’m trying to make here is a motivational one. If you think your life isn’t where you want it to be and if you think you’re stuck in a rut you can’t get out of, that isn’t true. You just don’t want to face two important facts about digging yourself out of your despair:

1. It’s not going to happen overnight.
2. It’s not going to be easy.

We live in a world where information is at our fingertips. There’s a GPS for that, there’s an app for that, there’s a prescription for that, etc. But I hate to break it to you. There are some things that even a robot or modern medicine can’t do for you. My dad and I both had a funny realization about ADD. Him and I have very similar problems with focusing, attention, and organization, yet we come from two different generations. He says he couldn’t even afford to think he had ADD as a kid, he just had to get shit done. He found healthy coping mechanisms, he forced himself to do things even though they were hard, and he didn’t give up. Nowadays, we look for shortcuts to solve our problems instead of doing the work to fix them ourselves. But there seems to be a similar outcome to using these shortcuts: The solution is only temporary.

I did the counseling. I got the prescription. I thought a pill was going to make me superwoman. Until I realized that there wasn’t much of a difference after a while. Another light bulb moment for me was when I stopped taking my ADD medication and I made the conscious effort to use calendars, to-do lists, getting into a healthy routine, and forcing myself to study with the help of pure willpower instead of the help of a quick fix. I thrived. I feel amazing. I have confidence in my own power which is something I never had before.

Don’t let the times we live in now get you down. Life has always been hard, life has always been scary, and the media has always sucked. Studying “The History of American Journalism” over the summer made me realize that the media has always done its absolute best to be sensational, dramatic, and do anything it can to create buzz or serve an agenda since the 1700’s. As a journalist, I’m telling you right now that most of the “news” is complete bullshit. Especially on the Internet. If Donald Trump is going to get any credit for anything, it’s starting the conversation about the fact that the media is biased and serves a specific agenda 95% of the time. Most of the news is also fear-based and purposely trying to scare you to always make you think that the world is going to shit. Life is all about perspective. Choose to focus on the good and the world will look good, focus on the bad and the world will look bad.

Even though I’m kind of all over the place with this post, the biggest takeaway is that you can’t control all the things going on around you. The only thing you can control is yourself. Don’t be afraid to make that “shift” from letting life take control of you to taking control of your own life. Cut off toxic people, sit down and make a plan towards how to accomplish your dreams and goals, and stop putting your potential on the back burner. Visualize who your best self would be and take baby steps every day until one day you look back, maybe even a year later, and realize it was all worth it. I’m going to share this video that I’ve watched almost 20 times already just because it has such a great message. It sums up basically everything I said about how making positive changes doesn’t happen overnight. Plus, it’s entertaining and funny so you won’t be bored, I promise. 🙂

LAST POINT I’M GOING TO MAKE: There will be people in your life that you’re going to have to distance yourself from when you’re becoming the person you want to be. They’re going to see you going places and resent you because they don’t have it in them to do the same. Ignore those people. Make moves in silence and kill it behind the scenes while they’re still making the same mistakes and feeling bad for themselves.

It’s been 6 months since I decided to start this blog and start documenting my progress towards positive change. 6 months ago, I felt like I had hit a personal rock bottom. I didn’t feel in control of my life or my self-esteem and I was over it. Toxic people, alcohol, denial, and an enticing urge to indulge in escapism were all the masters of my actions and emotions. I kept falling in a poisonous trap of doing things that I knew were only hurting me in the end while simultaneously wondering why I was so unhappy and so unhealthy. 6 months later, I can gladly say that I’m nowhere near perfect, yet nowhere near where I used to be.

I think it’s hard when you’re in your 20’s and having a ridiculous, self-indulgent lifestyle and a socially acceptable alcohol abuse problem is deemed not only normal but “cool”. We tend to forget why we’re all here. Unfortunately, the real purpose of college is to propel you forward into your adult years with a higher education under your belt. But if you look around, it seems like that’s the last thing on everybody’s mind. For me at least, I spent the first few years of my college career worrying more about friends, meeting guys, partying, and having a social life worthy of showing off  rather than graduating in four years with a respectable degree. Now, I’m looking at about six years (sorry, Dad) because I couldn’t ever stay focused long enough to reevaluate my life goals until now. Better late than never.

I still go out with my friends, I still act like a fool from time to time, yet something I don’t do anymore is ignore my priorities in order to drink. I don’t use alcohol as a way to cope with my emotions anymore, either. If I ever feel sad, mad, or lonely, I use that as a reason not to drink rather than an excuse to go out and get so wasted that I forget my middle name. Call me a nerd, but I genuinely find more satisfaction in feeling like I actually have my life together than being “facey” and spending multiple blurry, regrettable nights in a row at the bar. I have good grades and put my schoolwork first before anything and I take a lot of pride in it. I chose to spend my spring break working overtime while most of my friends were getting blacked out using their parents’ money on an island somewhere (no shade). I say “no” to things I normally would’ve said “yes” to and regretted later, which makes me feel great. I also don’t need constant attention from shitty people to feel loved or worthy.

I used to feel like being single meant something was wrong with me, whereas now I realize that it’s a blessing to be in a phase of your life where you’re focusing so intently on yourself and taking care of what you want rather than revolving your life around somebody else and worrying about how they treat you. For the first time in about a year and a half, I’m starting to feel like I genuinely prefer to be independent, which is such a weight off my shoulders. Every day that goes by, I feel stronger and more comfortable in my own skin. I don’t want anyone or anything to affect how I feel about me except me.

You might be reading this and thinking, “Whoop-dee-doo, do you want some kind of award for not being a hot mess?” No, but if you know me at all on a personal level, you know that the past year of my life has been really hard, confusing, and stressful. So if you care, I’m here to tell you that I’m doing much better. I’m also here to tell those people who have reached out to me saying that they can relate to having substance abuse and self-esteem issues, that things will definitely get immensely better if you look yourself in the mirror today and decide that it’s time to make a real effort to change. It doesn’t happen overnight. I’ve had a few slip-ups and still make them today, but I guarantee that any kind of positive changes that you start making now will put you in a better place mentally, emotionally, and physically than you were before. In about a month, I’ll have my license back and life will start feeling normal again after a year of mayhem, self-discovery, and growth. Ever since 2017 started, I’ve felt a positive energy in the air and like things are about to start getting a lot better.

I am still a work in progress. There is always something within yourself that you should want to work on in order to become the best version of you. I’m still working on setting limits and boundaries for myself, staying motivated when it comes to taking care of my body and physical health, and controlling how I express my emotions. It’s a never-ending journey towards improving and growing.