rejoicing in your differences

When I read some of my old posts that I wrote when I first started this blog, all I could think was, “Wow…this girl that I’m talking about sounds like she pounds tequila bottles by herself every time she’s sad and wakes up in the morning with the shakes until she chugs a bottle of wine.” When in reality, I just used to go out frequently and do dumb things when I was drunk just like the next college idiot. I made mistakes and acted like a fool but jeez, I was a little tough on myself. I made myself sound so much worse than I really was just because I hold myself to this really high standard and want to achieve more and be better than the person next to me. I don’t do anything worse than the people I’ve been associated with for the past year. The only difference is that I acknowledge it, express it, and want to live up to my potential instead of living in a daze and repeating negative cycles.

Even my boss had to tell me the other day that I need to stop stressing so much. He told me that I’m doing better than most of the people he knows even though I’m always pushing myself thinking that I’m never doing enough. I’ve always been a perfectionist, yet that stems from the fact that I’m determined to achieve greatness. I never want to look back and think that there was something more I could’ve done. You might have no problem going out every night, blacking out all the time, hooking up with randoms left and right, spending your last dollar on a well Rum and Coke, and doing it all over again even though your life is essentially in shambles. I’ve decided that I’m not going to be that person. That’s my preference. I recognize my flaws and the areas of my life that I want to improve. Just because I talk about it, doesn’t mean that I have a problem and that the people who choose to live in ignorance and denial don’t.

But this time around, I’m going to give myself a little credit. Instead of focusing on my flaws, I’m going to focus on my accomplishments, my joys, my skills, my talents, my knowledge, and my ambition. I’m not going to mope around acting like I’m some helpless alcoholic when I’m just a girl who actually sees her potential and wants to live up to it instead of being like everybody else. I used to legitimately FEAR admitting to myself and others not that I’m not like everybody else. Now, I want to rejoice in it.

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